


In Memory

by Silentgirl804



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angels, Angst, Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:45:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6138676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silentgirl804/pseuds/Silentgirl804
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young woman dies and her sister tells her tale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Memory

Every thing has a balance, everything has an opposite, for every creature that dies, one is born. Humans try to think that this doesn't apply to them, but it does.

I know that now for a fact. You see my younger sister saved my son by taking his place. What you're about to read is the last week of her life.

_Sunday June 10, 2004_

_Two weeks ago my sister and nephew were in a car crash. My sister was banged up, because the majority of the collision happened on the passenger side back seat area. The area my nephew was sitting in. He is now in a coma. And me, I'm sitting by, watching him slowly slip away from us unable to do anything. Or so I thought. That is up until this strange figure dressed in, what I could describe as, gray rags, he had this air about him that spoke of power, even if he did look like a beggar off a New York City street corner. He told me that everything happens for a reason, but some things happen because something went wrong and someone dies or is going to die who isn't suppose too. That is what happened to my nephew, he was slowly slipping away and he wasn't suppose to. This stranger of gray who told me to call him what ever I wish, for now I think I'll call him Jack, maybe if I have the time I'll explain why. Anyway he said that I could set the balance straight, it's simple really all's I have to do is die in his place. He'll live if I die. Some people might balk at choice to live or die. And though it pains me to say it, I rather die knowing that my nephew, my baby will live to grow up and become the man I know he'll be, then sit in this hospital and watch him die. Maybe that makes me selfish but I love him to much to let his light be put out after only being lit for 5 years. It wasn't much of a choice for me. Though if I do have one regret with this, is that my family will have to live with a death either way. I can be happy that I will not be missed as much as my nephew, after all I am only a shadow in my family, invisible unless I make myself known. I asked Jack when he'd take me with him, surprise surprise when I learned Jack could only take me if my mortal frame died first. He would give me a disease that would kill me. When I asked him how long he said one week, when my nephew would open his eyes for the first time since the accident, mine would close for the last time. Jack also told me that no one can know of this until after I'm gone. I think I'll give this to my sister she would, should know about this. I'm feeling tired now, and a bit dizzy I think I'll rest for a bit._

The accident she speaks of totaled my car. The passenger side was caved in, my son was in the back where the impact happened, he had been asleep and when we were hit, his head went through the window, he was in a coma for a week. I didn't realize it until I read this journal, that as my son got stronger my sister got weaker. We found out at the end of the week that she had AIDS, the doctors didn't know what to think, they had no clue and we had no warning. I'm guessing that this was what Jack gave her to. . . take her from us. I wish she would have told us, I wish. . .

_Monday June 11, 2004_

_I really hate him. Jack I mean. Sure I realize I have to be dead for him to take my soul, but did he have to do it this way. Couldn't he have oh I don't know, suffocate me instead. But nooo he has to do it this way. The next time he pops his gray ass in here I'm gonna get him to explain this to me. He didn't tell me anything after he did his little magic trick last night, except to tell me that I have AIDS! He said that it will slowly kill me during the week, he gave me a, in his words, dose lethal enough to do it in that amount of time no sooner or later, he will keep watch of it so that it doesn't move too quickly and take me out too soon. I feel so loved by that man._

_He's been here again to explain things and to answer and more questions I might have. To explain why this way and not a quick death. Well, apparently we all have a life force in us, a living energy, I think best explains it (kind of like star wars and the force). And for me to take my nephew's place his living energy needs to be replenished, so they're kind of taking mine to do that, so it has to go slowly or it could kill him anyway. And that would be bad, cause that's what I'm trying to prevent. I asked him a few questions, one being why he's wearing gray? I thought death was suppose to where black. Imagine my surprise when I learned he wasn't death, merely a messenger. Death apparently wore silver though not black. When I asked why he asked me what is the one thing that everyone thinks of when they think death? It took me a minute but then I thought of all the words we associate with death, you know words like destruction, war, abuse, evil. We always think death is evil, but it's not. Death isn't good or bad, it doesn't choose who dies and who lives, he's there to guide the souls of the dead to their resting places or to send them on their merry way to be reborn again. He doesn't kill. Silver I think is a good color, neither one shade or another._

_Melissa called me a minute ago wanted to know where I was, why I wasn't at the hospital like everyone else was. I didn't know what to tell her. Even if the words, 'Because I'll be in there shortly enough' came to mind. I told her I need to get shower and change, that I needed to get my thoughts together if the worst was to happen. I hope I convinced her. Guess I should get going though before everyone is pissed at me. If only they knew. . ._

I was so mad at her that day. Here we were worried and sitting in those horribly uncomfortable plastic chairs and there she was at home seemly unconcerned for her nephew, for the child she still called baby even though he was 5. After she died my son no longer allows anyone to call him baby, says that was his Aunts name for him and no one else ever called him that, until after she died anyway. It was her name for him and no one else was allowed to use it. He hasn't seen this yet and I'm not sure I want him to. How would he take knowing that his Aunt Lisha as he liked to called her, died so that he could live. Her excuse to me I bought up until the last bit, she didn't seem the least bit concerned that the worse could happen to my son. That should have been my first clue I was blinded by my pain. too blind to see the pain that she was going through. Our mom read her the riot act for not seeming to care about what happened to her nephew. She just stood there and took it not wincing from the sharp words that were meant to hurt as much as they could. Instead she went up and hugged mom for all she was worth. That should have been another clue something was wrong. My sister even in her saddest moments never started a hug or tender moment. I once told her that for all she said about fighting and playing peacekeeper and matchmaker, she seemed not in touch with her feelings. And I asked her how she could come up with those passionate and compassionate decisions and choices that she gave out in bucket fulls. Don't get me wrong, I'm also the one who called her butch for being so athletic and dare I say fat at the time. She was way stronger than me, and our younger brother was scared shitless of her. He knew that she would follow through with any threat she gave short of injury. After her death, he stopped doing drugs and got his act together at school. He'll be the second person in our family to actually go to college. My sister being the first. Our youngest sister on the other hand seemed devastate and for a while there I thought she would do something she would regret. But after our brother talked to her she got it together. Together there's a word I wish she would have remembered.

_Tuesday June 12, 2004_

_I passed out today. right in the middle of a game. I was benched for the rest of the game and my coach wanted to know what was going on. I wish I could have told him. Wish I could say all the things that I wanted to tell him over the last few years. I've been playing softball for him since I was 9, at 23 I think I can thankfully say that he's like another uncle to me. Heather my younger sister at the age of 13 is definitely acting like a royally bratty princess. If her mother and dad wasn't in the room I'm sure she would have started cussing at me. Wondering what the hell was wrong with me that I didn't seem at all worried for Brandt. I told her I was as worried about my baby as she was just because I don't cart my emotions around for every one to see didn't mean I didn't feel them. Dad thankfully broke in and told me my brother was on the phone. D.J. or Dean junior was heading for deep shit. I wish this didn't have to happen now, I would have liked to have a good talking to him about those drugs I found last week when I went over to mom's to see them. Mom wanted to know if I could come over and take D.J. to the hospital to sit with Brandt for a while, Melissa really need to get some rest. Speaking of Melissa I swear if she wasn't older than me, and my sister, I would have kicked her ass for what she said to me when I got to the hospital after my softball game. But then again it's not my son in the hospital but her's. She didn't understand that outside my profession as a Stage Manager at the local theaters, Softball was my life. Theater would always come first before softball, but I still loved it. She didn't understand that today's game was to be my last ever. I'm only happy that before I passed out on the field and got myself benched that I was able to hit a home run. I think Jack had a hand in it though. I wonder if he knew I could feel him standing behind me helping me through the first part of that game. Probably._

_Jack told me something weird just before he left a couple of minutes ago. It's when I asked him if he met everyone who was given this choice. He said that only those who's soul is not whole to begin with our given this choice and that for them to chose to die for someone they love or haven't even met, means that they have to feel the other half of their soul pulling at them and guiding them to make the right choice. He then told me to stop eating so many chocolate peanut butter eggs I was gonna get fat. Oh. I wish he would have stayed long enough for me to have hit him._

_On a better note, ok not really. Nobody knows what's happening yet. I've started to get things together so that my family won't have too. I've put alot of the thing's I've collected, books and other things that my family won't need or want into boxes. I'll leave a letter for Melissa about them. I've also taken alot of my clothing to the local Goodwill, after all no one here is going to need it, I kept about a weeks worth of clothing and all my softball uniforms. I couldn't bare to part with them. Something makes me very glad that I never married, never felt love for anyone that would take me to that next level in a relationship. I wonder what people would say if they knew that I made it through high school and college without once having sex or getting so drunk that I did something stupid. I think they would all just laugh._

_Before I go to bed tonight I thought I would state that having a cold with your immune system being shot to hell was no fun._

_Wednesday June 13, 2004_

_Jack is currently lying in mid air watching a hockey game on the TV, at the hospital. It's a bit unsettling to see him floating above Brandt like that. I'm just glad I'm the only one who can see him. I asked him a bit more about why I can see him and no one else, he was rather closed lipped on the matter saying that I had a brain and I could think for myself. Melissa and the rest of the family have gone to get some rest. I told them I would stay here with him for the night. I wasn't very tired at the moment. Brandt looks so peaceful there, he looks just like he's sleeping. I wish that was completely true. He's still in a coma. Jack says he won't hit true sleep till sometime Friday, at that point, I'd probably be hospitalize because my immune system will be almost completely gone._

_I'm too young to make a Will, so I decided to leave some suggestions on what to do with my stuff, I hope they respect my wish something's, my family doesn't need to know about somethings, my friends don't need to see other things. I think it's finally hit me, in 3 days I will be dead. I don't think I quiet grasped that concept when I made this decision. But then again, can anyone grasp the concept of committing suicide without actually committing it? I don't know. Jack's giving me a funny look probably because I was staring off into space for the last few minutes._

_You know the first day I saw Jack he was kind of transparent I didn't realize it then but thinking back to it now I realize he was see threw, I can see him more clearly now, he's more solid like. Also on that note, I apologies to anyone who reads this if my hand writing is hard to read, my hands have been shaking like crazy for the last few hours, I think it's just because I'm tired. Jack just told me it's time to get some rest, he'll wake me in a few hours. He says he'll be staying with me until it's time._

Liz was always a night owl, she was also a morning person when she wanted to be. She told me the one time she went to bed at 4am and was up again at 5am to go back to the theater to get back to work. She was crazy. Some people might think she's crazy after reading this. But I know her. Sure she wrote her stories, what she called Fanfiction, but she would never write something like this. If it was one of her stories she would have wrote it in one of her many notebooks that none of us are ever allowed to see let alone read. She gave them to her old roommate to do with as she wished. In her letter to us, she said that Steph would know what to do with them and that all the information she would need was in there as well. Liz had a couple of accounts online that needed to be taken care of. Steph would handle it. I'm betting alot of people think I'm nuts just writing this. I never told Liz but I always admired how she could put her thoughts and ideas online to be ridiculed by the world and still seem unaffected by the reviews she got. She let me read some of them. I asked Steph to let me know what she was going to do with them. If she didn't want to continue them to send them to me and I'd do it. It would be the least I could do for her.

_Thursday June 14, 2004_

_I am now in the hospital and I hate being in this bed as much as I hated sitting in those plastic things they dubbed chairs. I think the only reason they have those things in the room is so that the patients guest won't stay long because their ass is gonna fall off due to those things. The beds are comfortable if you like laying flat on your back on a plank of wood. Jack's laughing at me right now. Don't tell him this he already had a big enough head, but despite his sarcastic personality and the fact that he likes to float above me so that he can make faces at me, I like him. I don't know how much yet but he grows on you kind of like a fungus. eww I don't think I'm hungry anymore. The doctors are trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I think they think that I have a super form of AIDS that is gonna decimate the whole planet unless they figure it out. I hate to break it to them but it's never gonna happen. A couple members of my family have been in asking what's wrong with me. I told the doctors that they can't tell me family what's wrong with me. I don't want them in here when I do die. They should worry about Brandt not me. I won't matter anymore in a couple of days anyway._

_The nurse brought in some dinner. I looks disgusting, but it's the only food I'll be getting in the next couple of days. Mom and Dad are mad that I won't let anyone know what's wrong with me. They also wanted to know when I changed who held my POA. I changed it Monday to Steph, and told her that what ever happens is suppose to happen, don't do anything to save me. That's what Jack told me to tell her. If my parents would have had my POA then they would have had the doctors do everything with in their abilities to keep me alive and I can't have than happen._

_My hand writing sucks write now, I'm the one writing it and I'm having a hard time reading it. I hope that if some one does read this they have a decoder on them. D.J. brought me news on Brandt the doctors say that though he's still in a coma he is getting stronger and might soon wake. D.J. looked so happy and full of hope when he told me. I wish I could have told him in less then two days my baby would wake and I wouldn't. I almost started crying after he left the room. I wanted to so badly but I didn't because I know this is for the best. Jack is hugging me. He's solid and warm. If he was actually human and well mortal, every girl he ever met would be dying to be his girlfriend. He feels safe to me, a protective force. Something I wish I could have felt growing up. Growing up I always felt so detached from everything. Even my family._

I wish I would have known she felt like this. I would have tried to fix it. I realize now that Liz had been showing the world a mask for a very long time. I don't remember how she was like, outside the hyperness, and weirdness she had as a teenager and the aloofness she always presented to the world. She was always happy it would seem. On the inside she was crying. She wouldn't show how much she hurt how much a burden being the pillar of our family was. She was the one we all looked to for courage to go on or a way to forget. She was so good at keeping our minds off the problems, I didn't realize how much we leaned on her until she wasn't there to lean on anymore.

I don't know when she had the time to do all that she did, the letters, packing up so much of her stuff, selling alot of it. She wrote letters to everyone. Even one for Brandt. She told me that he can read it himself. He can too. Liz taught him to read and he loves it too. We kept alot of her books for him. We let him route through the boxes once every month to pull out new ones and put the ones he had read into another box. Liz had such a wide variety of books. She had so many of them too. Liz loved to read. I'm glad she passed that on to her nephew. I only wish she had time to pass it on to Savannah. Savannah is 4 now, every once in a while I find her in my room looking at a picture I have of Liz playing with her and Brandt. It was one of the last ones I took of them before Liz died. Savannah used to ask where Lisha was. Brandt taught her that for that was what he called her. Still did at the age of 5, still does now at the age of 7. I wish she was here right now to see how much her passing has hurt us.

_Friday June 15, 2004_

_I can barely write so this will probably be a small entry. The doctors are still scratching there heads in confusion. My family is started to grow really worried. I heard mom talking to one of my aunts about how not only are the losing Brandt but me. I smiled I so wanted to tell them that they weren't going to lose Brandt only me and I didn't deserve there tears. I couldn't though rules and all that. Besides I'm tired and I don't think they would have heard me. I finished the last of the letter to my family and friends. The last one being Brandt. He's a bright kid, my baby, I taught him to read and boy does he love it. He can read his letter for himself, I kept the words I used to a level he'll be able to understand. Next month I was going to start him on a new series Star Wars Jedi Apprentice. Like me he loves Star Wars, I think he would have liked that series alot. My body hurts so much right now and they hooked me up to a ventilator because I was having trouble breathing. Jack is sitting at the edge of my bed, steadying my hands so that I can write. He's completely solid now. I sometimes think I imagine it but I see such love in his eyes and it's directed at me. It scares me sometimes. . . . Jack just kissed my forehead for that and told me not to be scared. I hate to break it to him but I was never good at relationships, of course the lack of relationships might have something to do with that. Jack says he knows he's been watching me. I'm tired I think I should rest._

_Saturday June 16, 2004_

_This is it, the last entry that will ever enter this book. The last time my hand will ever hold a pen to these pages to write down my thoughts. I can feel my mind start to drift and I don't know how much sense this will make to anyone. Jack says it's almost time, so I must hurry. I wish I could have said so many things to my family. The biggest being that I love them and I'll miss them. Don't cry for me, because I realize now that I'm not alone. Jack will be with me wherever it is I'm going to. Good-bye_

Liz died at 11:08am that Saturday. I could hear the alarms from her room and I so desperately wanted to run to it but even as I turned to do that, I felt my son's hand move under mine and watched his bright blue eyes open for the first time in a week. I knew even before the doctors told me that my sister was dead. I don't know how, when I went to see her before the covered her, I saw that she was smiling. It was the happiest I'd seen her smile in a while. When the doctors handed me her notebook the one she had been writing in since she was 20 and white feather fell out and rest above her unbeating heart. The doctors were confused as to how it got there. I wasn't though. I knew that she had been watched over by an angel.

I write this not to make money or change anyone's beliefs. But to show you the courage one young woman had. I'm proud to call her my sister. I miss her very much and I think that she would like her story to be known. Now matter how brief it is. Liz was courageous and special in her own way. Through thick and thin and she was never afraid to stick by someone she cared for. I think back to it now and we loved Liz very much but we didn't tell her enough. My departing words to you are that if you love someone as much as my sister loved us, don't be afraid to tell them. The smile that they'll give you for it will be worth it.

_Memories, memories, memories_  
_In this world you tried_  
_Not leaving me alone behind_  
_There's no other way_  
_I prayed to the gods let him stay_  
_The memories ease the pain inside,_  
_Now I know why_  
_All of my memories keep you near_  
_In silent moments imagine you in here_  
_All of my memories keep you near_  
_Your silent whispers, silent tears_  
_Made me promise I'd try_  
_To find my way back in this life_  
_I hope there is a way_  
_To give me a sign you're ok_  
_Reminds me again it's worth it all_  
_So I can go on_  
_All of my memories keep you near_  
_In silent moments imagine you in here_  
_All of my memories keep you near_  
_In silent whispers, silent tears_  
_Together in all these memories_  
_I see your smile_  
_All the memories I hold dear_  
_Darling, you know I'll love you_  
_till the end of time_  
_All of my memories keep you near_  
_In silent moments imagine you in here_  
_All of my memories keep you near_  
_Your silent whispers, silent tears_  
_All of my memories..._

Song by Within Temptation


End file.
